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Non-Conformeria

We all thrive…but some of us thrive a little more.

Dark Amour 

Somehow in his priority list,
she was second.

With love

“you need to go” she said
When her face was red ,
Her feelings were something she didn’t wanted him to know ,
Because she knew it wouldn’t let him go
She pretended to be strong,
When inside everything was wrong ,
Every passing second she wished she could stop him ,
Every passing minute the light of hope was getting dim .

“I’ll be okay ,
Without you I’ll be able to stay “
Were her next words ,
Knowing that this isn’t the reality,
As his love was her only remedy,
Knowing that with fear she’ll have to live everyday,
With thoughts like
“What if he never comes this way ?”
“Is he okay ?”
“What if today is his last day ? “
“Why is he away ? “

“You’ll be fine without me ” he replied
Hiding the fact that he already cried.
He very well…

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Her, His.

 

Her Diary,

I am not on this ground for sure, I am up in the black sheet somewhere. I fell for him days after I saw him. My conscience tells me that he is a wrong person to love and I remind myself that love is always blind. It started just from a crush and I thought I will be over it soon. I was wrong! It hurts when people show me his demons and rebuke me for my choice.

The more his negatives come at the front, the more I try to paint his photograph.

It hurts me when he calls himself ugly. He is hard, firm and rude too. Sometimes he is so gentle that I doubt the time and I have this strong urge to hold his hands and gather all his pieces whenever he faces a break down.

His rude replies and often half left conversations made me stay back. I don’t know where this all would go, but I have this desire to have long deep conversations with him at night. Conversations that go nowhere, that leads us to nowhere but still they show us everything in little fragments of logic. He replies me and I am thankful that he is always kind to me. This love is increasingly growing. I am finding excuses to justify his immoralities. He seems like an isolated soul wandering in dark shadows. For me he is the most musical symphony God ever created, he is a piece of art that has the perfect brush strokes. He is painted black and white. While people try to instill colors in him, I only cherish his clarity. I am very fond of black color and when the white collaborates, he becomes a master piece for me. Wait, what I am doing? I am again finding justifications for him.

I need to accept the fact that I can’t buy every piece of art neither can I own the whole gallery… Yes, He is a gallery of mystic strokes for me.

Love from a *purple soul.

 

His Diary,

I am not high today, the fact is I am never high. I know what stories I leave behind but Do I care?- No, I don’t. People say she likes me and this doesn’t intrigues me. It’s just lust and not love, she will soon be over me. I’ll even fade out from her memory as I always do ever since I entered this world. She doesn’t need to justify my acts. I am ugly and worthless.

I have a thousand fragments of my soul, delicately tied together. No one can even gather me. I am the faulty photograph that everyone crushes down to bits.

Yes, sometimes I do become weak and people think I am calm and gentle but it’s just that my inner demons are having a holiday. I need no one to hold me, I am good on my own. I don’t want her to hold my hand because I know the sight of my scars will hurt her even more.

I am rude at times with people because I hate unwanted sympathy and overrated love. I respect her feelings and mustering up every inch of goodness that’s left in me… I try to reply her. There’s not much of kindness left in me so I don’t let my ruthless soul into long gossips. I cling to isolation as my solace and my pleasure is only found in my roots. I wonder in dark streets because they portray the most honest tales. I am a worthless piece of creation, who needs the glamour of luxury to add in me…to look a little acceptable. I am the first draft painting that never caught anybody’s eye. I belong to the dark in the storeroom.

I may be plain on the surface but I hold maroon demons inside me. No color stays on me, they all fade away.

I don’t want to hurt her, there is a human lost in the corners of my body too that screams out to her. It tells her not to spend any of her worth on trying to get me. How can you expect shelter and protection from a broken and rusty house? And how anyone can except love and warmth from a porous heart? I am not even close to mysticism. No need to spend for the one who is on Satan’s side.

Care from a *blue soul.
                                 ———————————————————–

 

Partly fiction and partly based on real life.

Guys do share if you like it and your acknowledgement and criticism, both are  highly welcome. Cheers.

 

 

The slow wind inside.

The storm lingering on the branches.
It’s lazy as it flows.
Stumbling upon my own stance,
The storm inside is howling.
As the venom bubbles, it hurts.
Need some smoke to end it.

As I see the birds circling and soaring
I wonder, if they are free and liberated.
As they fly around the wild bushes and among delicate flowers.
Maybe, they just pretend to be free.

Maybe they fly freely just to inspire humans.
Yes, Us! we all see them flying.

But another thought jingles through my senses,
maybe their flying doesn’t inspire us, anymore.
Maybe they just show off their liberty.

And humans burn in every single instance.
If not all of us, but most of us do.
For those who don’t, Can’t you see?
the leaves fluttering in the breeze.
Or do they not see, people dying from inside.

Gently and gradually, draining all desires.
Extracting every drop of life from within.
Yes, they don’t see but they will.
One day when it’s their turn.
or maybe they already played their turn
and now they just ignore…!

 

Note: Did a post after weeks! Sigh. Really missed my WP family. this is a piece I unintentionally wrote. 

Happy Saturday, Cheers !

 

 

Unheard Echoes in the Darkness.

I believe on this strictly and also tell to those friends who want to know about me a bit more,

“You never know me until you have stayed up with me till 4 A.M.”

Days are always there,

Ready to be displaced.

People are always here,

Waiting to be replaced.

Nothing is eternal on this road

It has to end one way or anyway.

They all leave and go on board

Nobody stays until the end of the day.

Yes, here it is when we mistake

Trying to live in our own fate.

Always kept trying, but seems fake.

They have to be with us, wide awake.

You’ll never know them until you,

Until you were holding hands,

Wide awake after midnight dew…

Trying harder to deeply cut the bands.

~dedicated to those late night confessions. When we feel tired of pretending and the real inner person comes out of us who was behind the mask,  the entire day.

images (2)pic courtesy:google images.

 

Maybe its a magic or the darkness. Maybe its the silence or the stillness, don’t know but surely there is something; some magic. 

I don’t know if others also felt this way.Feel free to tell you felt the same. I hope I am not alone in feeling this magic under the dark sheet of stillness.

All rights reserved, 22-07-16.

 

 

Self is an illusion or a delusion?

 

I woke up late today and it was really hot outside my room. I just felt like crawling towards the door. Accepting the fact that we need to move to live, I managed to pull myself.

As I entered my Kitchen for breakfast, something was just stinging behind my neck and my head was damn heavy. I didn’t felt like going for the coffee so I just put the water to boiling. Wondering about the “self” I kept caged inside me. I took my intense black tea and picked my iPhone to see any notifications on it. Meanwhile my sister offered me a piece of macron cake.

As I settled myself on the couch, my head was hurting and my back was aching. Maybe I slept late last night. Not maybe, another thought struck me. Definitely I was up late, trying to figure out my life, trying to untangle all the clutter in my mind. I felt like writing something but I was too tired to. I needed some listener and yes I founded one too. Even then I hadn’t freed myself.

Right now, I am sweating due to the state I am in. Too many thoughts and my hands can’t type them. Although I am a wild writer but something is stopping me. It is keeping my hold.

As the strong whiff of my flavored black tea hit my senses, I came to a clearing. It always helps me to clear my mind.

But as I munched on the macron topping, I was in a battle between my two inner selves. My extroverted soul and my introverted heart, both were indulged in a deep conversation already.

I kept asking myself if I was being myself or I was pretending to be someone else. If I was, then for how long I had been pretending. We always hear that line “be yourself” and “keep your “individuality” intact.

What does that mean in a real setting? Like seriously, I came across all these thoughts when I was having a conversation to someone last night, probably after a few days. In the middle of it, I was being questioned,

(-“Don’t hide!”

Me: You know, I don’t lie to you.

 

-“Do I really need to tell you, when you are not being yourself?”

Me: I am being myself and I always do.

 

-“No, you are being shy.”

Me: I am never shy… life is too short to be living with fears and shyness.

I don’t fear it….or at least as much as I need to

 

-“everyone is shy…maybe you are a little less. You try, not to be but still you are!”

Me: okay, I’ll be myself again…soon. )

But wait a second, what is this ‘-self’ that we all try to conserve.Well, self-delusion is the greatest of all human talents and it keeps us sane and alive.

 

images (4)
pic courtesy: google images.

We are just the outcomes of the things that made us, that surround us, those who and those things that inspire us.

No matter, how much we disagree, but it’s a fact. We are reshaped every now and then, nobody is the same they were five years back and I am sure they will not be the same five years later. Today who we are… is surely some product of that what was dropped on us, our culture, our society, the places where we are considered as a local, the things we do first in the morning, the rituals we follow during the day, the temperature at which we close our eyes, the things we see, the type of food we mostly eat, the clothes we wear, the places we shop, the brands we like, the things we buy and those we lose, the workplace or the institution where we go and many more such factors that shape us into who we are today or should I say who we pretend to be.

In many cases, all these factors are same leading to same personalities. That doesn’t mean we are facsimile of others. It’s just we all are prototypes having appreciable similarities and a few respectable differences. Some people have completely different approach; you can say non conformists. And you don’t know what type of hell they are going through. It’s like someone is stabbing a knife down their throats when they are told to conform to all moralities and when they pretend to be normal just because they had to fit in the society. Never think they are being illusory because you don’t know the struggle going in their control center. We better leave this debate because some questions are never answered and some words are better left unsaid.

Whenever you hear; be yourself. Just think they are saying just “be attached to your people and just don’t stop liking the things if other people label them as weird”.

On a lighter note, I will never stop eating soup in summer just because some people call it weird, even in the scorching heat.

The real self will always remain an illusion and it’s better to say delusion because we all had this point in life where we stopped and asked ourselves, “hey, wait… I was never like this. Why I am doing this and why I am behaving like this?”

Sometimes we change into something else without even knowing it… it can be worst.

Wherever you go, whatever inspires you, whatever you adore, whatever choices you take and decisions you make! Just remember to conform to all the moralities when you reach back to your locality.

After all, home is the place where you walk back at night, turn off the lights, tuck in the bed and just be yourself. As home is the place where your story begins.

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Home is the place where your story begins.

Cheers 🙂

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Don’t be afraid to let me know your perception of the “self” theory;

-Just your own theory, the pretty original one that struck you every morning and the one you tuck in with you every night. P.S Have a nice week !

 

The paradoxical commandments.

  •  The Paradoxical Commandments;

    People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
    Love them anyway.

    If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
    Do good anyway.

    If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
    Succeed anyway.

    The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
    Do good anyway.

    Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
    Be honest and frank anyway.

    The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
    Think big anyway.

    People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
    Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

    What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
    Build anyway.

    People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
    Help people anyway.

    Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.”
    Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

Opressing the non conformist ? Part: 2

 LESSONS LEARNT:
 I always try to change and come up to the expectations of my society but after reading the novel “Star girl” by Jerry Spinelli, I realized that:

  1. I am not a circus clown that can keep everyone happy. 
  2. No matter how much they try to crush my self esteem… I will always Dare to be different and will not allow myself to get lost in the crowd.
  3. People who say my dreams are too big to adjust, I reply that their thinking is too small.
  4. Whenever I am being targeted for constantly changing my name I will just quote, “I’m not my name. My name is something I wear, like a shirt. It gets worn. I outgrow it, I change it.”― Jerry Spinelli
  5. “Shine with all you have. When someone tries to blow you out, just take their oxygen and burn brighter.”

 
Now, it’s up to you to decide which way you will move.
I just want to say if you are not a non-conformist type of person then don’t force others to follow your ways… let them grow in their own nut-shell. That’s the best you can do for them and no one knows they might turn the best people in your country’s progress.
And lastly my favorite quote that I always keep murmuring is by Steve Jobs ;
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.

The rebels.

The troublemakers.

The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently.

They’re not fond of rules.

And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.

They push the human race forward.

While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think

they can change the world, are the ones who do.
.Apple TV Ads: Think Different.mov (1998).

This is it, guys do comment either if you agree or disagree and please share it…there might be someone needing these lessons i learnt. Do tell me which lesson appealed you the most.

Oppressing the non-conformist?

Part- 1.

“Non-conformity is a word that you can’t either look up in the dictionary or search the web because it is a feeling”.

Just follow me along this journey of self discovery and some nice lessons for your day.Maybe this is the piece you might be in need of.

This feeling actually describes a person who is always considered very different in the society. Not just looks different but these people have a range of choices, opinions, and their thoughts are very different than others. I think the word ‘different’ is not very vast to portray the meaning of non-conformity. By reading the above few lines you might feel like you are one of them, right?

Actually you are wrong! Because if you weren’t wrong, you would have disagreed with me on its poor definition that I managed to write.

Non conformity is a feeling that’s not determined by choice to attain the lime light, it’s something you are born with. No matter how much you disagree with this point and you might be ready to prove me wrong by quoting examples of how same people are different in a unique way.

I know that a group of people if observed under same living conditions and same circumstances, they will have differences but mostly similarities. They will agree to others at one point or the other.

Let me make it simple, if we consider an example of a country where people mostly will end up on same opinions no matter how many small individual differences they have, because they are influenced by the same culture as a collective body. If a country’s most consumed beverage is Tea then you will most likely find every other person having tea on daily places. I know some would still disagree but I am talking about the similarity of decisions in the long term.

Suppose a country has a set climate that’s mostly hot all year round and I ask people about their favorite season or their relaxing weather. So, what answer would I most likely get? Guess what?

I have already asked that and most people answered me that winter is their favorite as it is short lived and enjoyable. Some said that they feel more comfortable in winter during daily active routines while others told me that they were sick of having summer season for most of the year and they can’t tolerate the ‘heat’ now.

These are the common answers of so many individuals I personally asked, I noticed a pattern of similarity that was instilled in the people of the same location and time.

But some of the answers I got were a little against those traditional ones. Here’s the second case; Some told me they like the summer even though it reaches 42-49 degrees and even more. “Why?” even though I knew their answer but still asked them to report their insights.

“I like being challenged and the summer heat forces me to move my lazy couch potato body” said one of them.

Another person told me that summer heat makes him realize that “life is not a bed of roses” and the comfort zone (winter) is not a place to grow.

Note: These answers are based on people living in a hot-climate

Okay, did you found these answers interesting or a bit different? Maybe not or maybe you have noticed them as bit ‘different’ than previous ones.

These people are actually non-conformists. They not only like to challenge the status quo but these are the ones who do. They don’t conform to every other point, in fact they hardly conform to typical norms.

People may find them little strange, weird or out-of-way thinking humans. Some also find them interesting and attractive. You will disagree that people can fake and its some type of emotional intelligence as I already came across these kinds of comments.

But the reason is these people are normal like you and they are not afraid to voice their opinions and speak up for their rights. I know most of do that, so what the big deal is?

The point of difference is their non-conventional ideas and non-traditional ways.

I am one of them also and believe me, we face so much oppression. We have to face ‘the looks’ for our ideas that other people see as merely possible or very different. When people feel like being hit by a brick with our stern reply, they just throw over us with all their oppression. 

People shut me up at the moment and start to tease me with their most used comment… “You always think different, that’s why no-one agrees to you.” .

That’s only for once. Whenever we change our house, I ask to paint my room grey and cupboards black because I have a strong obsession with the color black. They always tell me to have pink instead because pink or purple is for girls.

“But…mom, colors are independent of the gender labeling, how cruel is that we label the colors of life as famine or masculine”.

Then my mom shut me up by saying that South Asian houses are mostly white and of light colors and we people are not like that what you think… etc.

 I always get answers like “we don’t get what you say”

And comments like “where is your brain…are you living in any other world” etc.

Another point of my life is where; I am scolded for having too much coffee powder in my coffee. My family argues for having more sugar and less coffee. And can you believe that they say it’s too bitter after tasting mine. Why don’t they understand that coffee is not their sugar-caramel syrup?

Lately I am being targeted by people around me for having a wish to eat garlic-flavored ice-cream. I am always put down with the excuse that Pakistani people use it in cooking and you want it in your tea and ice-cream.

Last but not the least;  When I started to subtitle the talks given from my favorite website (TED.com)   into Urdu. Many people around me put hurdles in my way instead of supporting because I was voluntarily doing that! And most people believe that money is everything. My friends also quoted that they would never do such hard work for free…

I gave up randomly reaching out to people, I gave up being extra kind and sweet because probably the world couldn’t digest that. I gave up saying Hi to every stranger I ‘d meet.  I was about to give up all of my personality but something changed everything…….

 -For how i managed to cope with all that and some lessons I learnt along the way….

See  part 2 here .

Thanks for stopping by. Cheers 🙂

 

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